Wedding Favors
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Winning My Battle With Anxiety
   
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Finding The Living Among The Dead
God is the God of the Living and not the God of the Dead.
Speaking of Christ return and reign on this earth is sometimes difficult to get .....
God is the God of the Living and not the God of the Dead.
Speaking of Christ return and reign on this earth is sometimes difficult to get .....
Winning My Battle With Anxiety
I was very outgoing as a child. I'd put on plays in front of my
parents, sing to records and put on shows. I was like that all
through both elementary school and high school. Nothing scared
me and my aspirations were high.
I began college as a Theater major and switched midstream to a
Communications major. I pictured myself as the next big 'News
Anchor'. I'd even auditioned at the Connecticut School of
Broadcasting, impromptu, and got accepted.
At the age of twenty, during my sophomore year in college, I
lost most of the sight in my left eye. To say I was frightened
is an understatement. I was terrified. But, I handled it like a
trooper, even on those nights when I was alone in the hospital
not knowing what was wrong with me. When family visited, I
appeared strong. At night, I cried alone.
Shortly after I got out of the hospital I went to see a stage
production of "Fiddler on the Roof". I remember it well because
that was the first of many, many terrifying experiences. It was
when I had my first anxiety attack.
During the show, my heart began racing so fast I thought I was
dying. My chest constricted and I couldn't get enough air. I
hyper-ventilated. The more I panicked, the worse it got. I ran
up the isle of the theater and headed straight for the phone. I
needed to talk to my parents. I didn't know why, but their
voices were what I needed to hear. I thought I was going crazy.
Immediately, my doctor was contacted to see if any of the
medications I was given for my detached retina were the cause.
The answer was no. I was told to go home and lay down.
The subject wasn't brought up again, but I suffered the attacks
in agonizing silence.
About seven months after my loss of site, I was out with my
fianc, (at the time). Suddenly, I couldn't see with BOTH eyes
open. My heart began to race again as we rushed to the hospital.
By the time we arrived, my verbal and motor skills were gone and
the entire left side of my body was numb. You could have cut off
my left arm and I wouldn't have felt it. I was screaming inside
but when the nurse asked me to describe what I was feeling, all
I could get out was, "Bah, Ah." I couldn't form any words,
(although I knew what I wanted to say), and I thought for
certain that either I was having a stroke or was going to die of
a brain tumor.
Well, fortunately, I was diagnosed with what's called a "classic
migraine", which impairs verbal and motor skills. I regained
those in about twenty minutes and then I got the worst headache
I'd ever had in my life. The doctor said it was stress induced.
It hasn't happened since, thank God.
And that was that.
As time went by my attacks came in cycles. They subsided for
some time while in college, but shortly after I got married they
seemed to come "out of the blue". Not often, but each time they
were frightening. I didn't know then what I know now, and as I
reflect back, I can see where I literally talked myself into a
worse frenzy.
I didn't have the courage to seek any help. I thought this was
something I just had to live with. I'd been examined by doctors
A Look At Jewish Dating Traditions
Jewish dating traditions range from the rigid rules and regulations formulated in Biblical times to the modern, no holds barred attitude .....
for my eye and for the classic migraine and all of the testJewish dating traditions range from the rigid rules and regulations formulated in Biblical times to the modern, no holds barred attitude .....
results said I was just fine.
So, I went on with my life.
At 25 I suffered a miscarriage. The baby didn't abort itself, it
died in my womb and the doctors had to remove it. I was sixteen
weeks pregnant at the time. When I got home from the hospital, I
wanted to grieve, but my husband, (at the time), and I were on
different wavelengths. He thought I should get on with it and
over it, and I just couldn't let go of my loss or my grief.
That's when my anxiety attacks came back with a vengeance. I had
heart palpitations that were so frightening I thought I'd have a
heart attack. I worked for a ski area and commuted to New
Hampshire, many times driving several hours alone, on weekends
and suffered some horrific anxiety attacks while driving. He,
(my ex-husband), didn't really understand what was going on with
me or sympathize very much. I can't blame him for not
understanding it, but it didn't make it easier.
I kept it inside. And it festered.
At the age of twenty seven my husband and I split up. My anxiety
attacks grew worse and worse until it almost got to the point
where I couldn't function. But, I forced myself to. I went to
work, I drove even when my hands were so numb I couldn't feel
them, and I talked to people when inside it took every ounce of
strength I had to appear "normal". It was exhausting.
I was petrified. I couldn't eat alone for fear I'd choke. I
couldn't eat in restaurants for fear of embarrassment. I'd stare
at a plate of food and literally be starving -- unable to get it
down.
Dog And Cat Party Fun
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to - la la, la la la.
Okay, so I don't know the words to the song but I do know
bringing a dog or cat to a party needs to be approved first by
the .....
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to - la la, la la la.
Okay, so I don't know the words to the song but I do know
bringing a dog or cat to a party needs to be approved first by
the .....
The advent of my divorce really was the catalyst to my first
encounter with professional help. What originally was to be
marriage counseling turned out to be individual talk therapy. I
knew my marriage was over, but the anxiety needed to be dealt
with and this proved to be the beginning of my journey.
Adjusting after the divorce along with dealing with my anxiety
attacks was quite challenging. It was very multi-layered. I
found that talk therapy helped. Not just with the divorce, but
with the anxiety.
The talk therapy ended after about a year and a half when my
therapist moved to another state. However, the knowledge and
insight I gained was invaluable and put me on the path to
recovery.
In the years that passed, I had my bouts with anxiety. I did
extensive research on the subject and read countless self help
books. I was always reaching for more answers; for more
assurance. As a result, I knew better how to deal with the
attacks. The negative self talk and the fear of loss of control
diminished as I developed the ability to handle the attacks with
my mind by gently talking my way through them.
They didn't completely go away, however.
In 1996 I met my fianc. One of the biggest challenges he helped
me to meet, unknowingly, was facing my anxiety. He is a pilot
and on one of our very first dates, he surprised me with a trip
to the airport to take his plane for a flight.
As my heart raced madly, (for I'd never been on a smaller
plane), I decided to face my fear. That flight was one of the
most beautiful things I've ever experienced. Had I succumbed to
my fear, I would never have seen the beautiful moon and stars on
that clear and magical night. That taught me a wonderful lesson.
I was stronger than my anxiety. I just needed to draw upon my
strength.
In 1997 I went to a new primary doctor for severe intestinal
pain. Upon examination, she told me that I had a stomach
condition caused by Chronic Anxiety Disorder. She had only a
brief idea of my history. But, after several questions, etc.,
she wisely came to her diagnosis. It was then that I began some
more talk therapy, on her advise, and started taking a small
amount of medicine, called Klonopin, to relieve some of the
symptoms of anxiety.
In 1997 I became the lead singer of a wedding band. During my
audition my anxiety got so bad that I could feel my knees
knocking and my lips were tingling! Try singing like that! But,
somehow I made it through and got in. There was more than one
"gig" where I'd feel my hands and mouth get "tingly" and my legs
would begin to buckle. But, I went on and made myself do it. I
think that it pushed me further into discovering my own inner
strength. If I could handle an anxiety attack in front of three
hundred people, (and believe me, it wasn't easy as I clung to
the microphone stand to hold me up), then I could conquer this!
In the years that have passed, I have continued my research on
anxiety. I still read many books dealing with the subject and
put into practice many of the psychological things that help
keep anxiety attacks at bay and/or under control.
I no longer use talk therapy, but what I learned in the process
will stay with me forever.
It's not a battle that's won overnight, although the disorder
seems to appear overnight. The road is long, and there are many
ways to effectively treat anxiety. I think the most important
things in helping a sufferer of anxiety are the support of those
who love you, understanding the disorder, the faith that you
will overcome it and the knowledge that you are not alone in
your struggle.
Believe me, you are not. Ellen M. DuBois
About the author:
Ellen M. DuBois, MA - Ms. DuBois is engaged and has a dog who
loves to critique her work. She is published in vol.2 of God
Allows U-Turns with her piece, "The Angel in the Dumpster". She
writes to touch the hearts of others. Please visit Writings of
the Heart, her award winning writer's resource site-
http://writingsoftheheart.homestead.com/index.html