Wedding Favors
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Wedding Planning: Involve your Fianc in 10 Easy Steps
   
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He's popped the question. You've chosen a date. And now, you're
swimming in a sea of euphoria with no horizons. Good thing, too,
because there are literally a thousand things to arrange before
the big day.
You do the research, buckle under and dive in. But you find your
fianc's ardor for the event itself seems to have cooled. It's
not that he isn't mad about marrying you; after all, he is a
great guy, even if he can't tell a Vera Wang from a Gunny Sack.
It's that his preparation style is hands-off, to say the least.
And planning a wedding isn't a job built for one.
So what to do? Here are ten ways to involve him without
increasing both of your stress loads:
1) Delegate areas that have a prayer of interesting him.
The worst thing you can do is expect him to match your ten to
twenty years of feminine wisdom on the relative merits of
buttercream vs. fondant.
Here are some probable no areas when roping in a reluctant
wedding planner:
- Selecting the cake frosting - Choosing the favors or favor
packaging - Selecting the wedding colors or floral arrangements
Then there are the potential maybes, fraught with fewer hazards:
- Choosing the photographer - Choosing the videographer -
Arranging the rehearsal dinner - Arranging the all-inclusive
honeymoon - Renting big, tricky items like outdoor tents
These are probable yeses, well worth running by your guy:
- Selecting the DJ or the band - Setting up and maintaining your
wedding website - Researching and selecting charities, if you
choose to donate instead of giving out favors - Setting up the
carriage, limo or other transportation arrangements
2) If you ask him to help you choose vendors and styles, narrow
down the choices first.
It's a jungle of options out there, enough to give the most
natural-born party planner pause. So if you want his opinion on
photographers, invites, flowers or cakes, narrow down the
options to three or four. He's less likely to feel overwhelmed,
and more likely to feel like an important part of the process.
At times, it'll feel so good to share the load that you'll be
tempted to drag him into the buttercream debate despite your
better instincts. At these times, take a deep breath, count to
ten, and call your mother or your maid of honor.
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3) Ask him directly for help. Let him know how important his
input is to you, and that you can't do it without him.
Guys like to be needed. Your frank request for help may be
enough to pull him out of his comfort zone and onto your team.
4) Try the Art Director/Production Staff approach.
If you think your guy wants to help, but feels uncomfortable
playing "art director," give him "production staff" tasks. Have
him make the payments, pick up the food or decor, handle the
rentals, do online comparison shopping, or reserve the hotels
and reception halls. These are all jobs that will take a load
off your shoulders, while freeing up time for the aesthetic
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5) Get a calendar and put all the planning in black and white.
Your fianc probably doesn't have the first clue in what goes
into a wedding.
Get your wedding planner, write it all down, and show him. Once
he gets over the shock, you'll both probably be able to identify
areas that interest him. Make lists of the things you've each
agreed to do, and cross them off as they get done. At the very
least, he'll be far more supportive when he sees what you're
going through.
6) Weave his family heritage/ethnicity raditions into the
ceremony.
What did his parents do? He might be surprised at the question,
but it could lead somewhere valuable. He might ask his parents
about their wedding, and find your wedding consequently
enriched. Look through their wedding album together. Are his
ancestors German, Polish, Italian, Croatian, Asian? Incorporate
some old-world traditions into your ceremony.
7) Don't bring him in too early.
Treat your fianc as a bit of a pinch hitter. Sure, you may be
fully aware that you can shave 5K off your costs by starting
your favor crafts and reservations 18 months ahead of time. But
if he's like most guys, the wedding won't become real to him
until it draws closer. Expect him to jump in about six months
before the actual ceremony, and break into a (relative) frenzy
of activity about one month in advance.
8) Talk about something besides the wedding.
Guys aren't the only ones who complain about brides-to-be
talking of nothing but upcoming nuptials. Sometimes, even
girlfriends get overwhelmed by all the wedding chatter.
Spend some time alone chatting about anything but the wedding.
See a silly movie, split a hot fudge sundae, or watch a
basketball game. Do something spontaneous that reminds you both
of why you decided to marry in the first place.
9) Check your subtext for hidden meanings.
Tempting as it might be, make sure you're not using your fianc
as a coin-toss tool (ever noticed how people flip coins to find
out what they really want?). When you ask for his opinion, take
it seriously. And when you give him ownership of a task, don't
second-guess every step.
Imagine that your fianc has told you he's going to draft a
dream team in his fantasy football league, and it's going to
cost him $20K to participate. Now imagine that he's told you
your help is supremely important to him.
You'd be a little hesitant to give opinions, right? Some of your
ideas might sound feeble, even to your own ears. Hopefully he'd
welcome your thoughts, however odd it felt for you to venture
them. Now imagine your fianc feels kind of like that when it
comes to the wedding.
10) Remember that men become wedding experts by having one.
Chances are, your sweetheart will open his eyes to the wonder of
a wedding by the time the rose petals are tossed. Forever after,
he'll be examining friend's receptions with a practiced eye, and
anticipating the next excuse for a Really Big Shindig.
So keep him around, and count on throwing a first-rate
anniversary celebration ten years down the road. In a way,
that'll be the party that really matters, won't it?
About the author:
Blake Kritzberg is the proprietor of: http://www.favorideas.com
Visit the site for easy, elegant, unusual, and affordable
wedding favor ideas, wedding favor FAQ, and free wedding
screensaver. This article may be freely reprinted so long as
this resource box and URL are preserved.